Trying To Understand.

It has been 6 days of internship. I am hoping that i can get through this tiring routine of waking up in the morning, get on the train which is full of people everyday and standing up all the way to work in the train. Yes I am exhausted. Working is fun. My boss and colleagues are great. I like it there. I'm loving it.

Being me, a thinker. I have a thousand thoughts in my head in the train. Looking at other people, wondering what do they do in their life without judging. And giving a thought for a second about me. Am I selfish being this stubborn? Am I?

This me again being pathetic. For a second, I think, maybe that is the way, the sign to be away from me. Perhaps that thought is nonsense. I just thought. There is really no one that I can turn to. In the crowd, hectic crowd, people were speaking loudly. Yet I hear nothing and just silence. All I hear is the voices in my head.

My knees are so weak now. My body as well. When will this be over. I never a fan of the surprise element. Fingers cross, hoping all is well.

Tears in The Morning.

I woke up this early morning. My whole body felt weak. Yes it does. I felt like my whole body parts is sucking into the bed sheets to shrink myself dissapear for a few seconds. The first thing on my head usually is your face. then tears run through my cheeks. Here we go again. I am so weak. How i wish i can be stronger than i am today but it always like this.

You said, i gave a thought about this and that but i why i never try to leave. The answer is because i love you. Not everything in my head i let it all out. I always have secrecy saved safe in my heart.

I really don't want to do anything. Not even speak out a word or move a little of my body parts.

I am leaving you now. And i am doing this for us. Eventhough is really hard for me.Goodbye.

i'll be waiting for you.

i will be waiting for you, love. please hurry tau. muax

what a tiring day,

of ..

cleaning up the kitchen.

trying to put up the curtain rod that did not give me with any luck .  plus, the driller rod just broke.

fixing up the lamp of my mum's room

a running nose of mucus is just a cherry on top of my burdened work.

during my freshman year

hahaha. i wish tomorrow would be a better than today is. ugh. finger's cross pal.

Elephants.

A song when i am not at best with my own heart, and lonely.



If the elephants have past lives yet are destined to always remember
It's no wonder how they scream
Like you and I they must have some temper

And I am dreaming of them on the plains
Dirtying up their beds
Watching for some sign of rain to cool their hot heads

And how dare that you send me that card when I'm doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you

If the tiger shall protect her young then tell me how did you slip by
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night

And I am dreaming of them with their kill
Tearing it all apart
Blood dripping from their lips and teeth sinking into heart

And how dare that you say you'll call
When you know I need some peace of mind
If you have to take sides with the animals
Won't you do it with one who is kind

And if the hawks in the trees need the dead
If you're living you don't stand a chance
For a time though you share the same bed
There are only two ends to this dance

You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds
Watching yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed

So for those of you falling in love keep it kind
Keep it good
Keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night

The Reason Why

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
And we hang our heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or where ever I find my place
I'll track you on the radio, and
I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I get to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
As say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, you're still there
I'm gone, you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed me the door

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I, you and I, you and I know the reason why.

Harsh World, Fragile Heart.

i do not know what to say or where to begin.

feels empty, happiness only for a second. its heading dead end. once again.

.................mute......................