Trying To Understand.

It has been 6 days of internship. I am hoping that i can get through this tiring routine of waking up in the morning, get on the train which is full of people everyday and standing up all the way to work in the train. Yes I am exhausted. Working is fun. My boss and colleagues are great. I like it there. I'm loving it.

Being me, a thinker. I have a thousand thoughts in my head in the train. Looking at other people, wondering what do they do in their life without judging. And giving a thought for a second about me. Am I selfish being this stubborn? Am I?

This me again being pathetic. For a second, I think, maybe that is the way, the sign to be away from me. Perhaps that thought is nonsense. I just thought. There is really no one that I can turn to. In the crowd, hectic crowd, people were speaking loudly. Yet I hear nothing and just silence. All I hear is the voices in my head.

My knees are so weak now. My body as well. When will this be over. I never a fan of the surprise element. Fingers cross, hoping all is well.

Tears in The Morning.

I woke up this early morning. My whole body felt weak. Yes it does. I felt like my whole body parts is sucking into the bed sheets to shrink myself dissapear for a few seconds. The first thing on my head usually is your face. then tears run through my cheeks. Here we go again. I am so weak. How i wish i can be stronger than i am today but it always like this.

You said, i gave a thought about this and that but i why i never try to leave. The answer is because i love you. Not everything in my head i let it all out. I always have secrecy saved safe in my heart.

I really don't want to do anything. Not even speak out a word or move a little of my body parts.

I am leaving you now. And i am doing this for us. Eventhough is really hard for me.Goodbye.

i'll be waiting for you.

i will be waiting for you, love. please hurry tau. muax

what a tiring day,

of ..

cleaning up the kitchen.

trying to put up the curtain rod that did not give me with any luck .  plus, the driller rod just broke.

fixing up the lamp of my mum's room

a running nose of mucus is just a cherry on top of my burdened work.

during my freshman year

hahaha. i wish tomorrow would be a better than today is. ugh. finger's cross pal.

Elephants.

A song when i am not at best with my own heart, and lonely.



If the elephants have past lives yet are destined to always remember
It's no wonder how they scream
Like you and I they must have some temper

And I am dreaming of them on the plains
Dirtying up their beds
Watching for some sign of rain to cool their hot heads

And how dare that you send me that card when I'm doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you

If the tiger shall protect her young then tell me how did you slip by
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night

And I am dreaming of them with their kill
Tearing it all apart
Blood dripping from their lips and teeth sinking into heart

And how dare that you say you'll call
When you know I need some peace of mind
If you have to take sides with the animals
Won't you do it with one who is kind

And if the hawks in the trees need the dead
If you're living you don't stand a chance
For a time though you share the same bed
There are only two ends to this dance

You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds
Watching yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed

So for those of you falling in love keep it kind
Keep it good
Keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night

The Reason Why

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
And we hang our heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or where ever I find my place
I'll track you on the radio, and
I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I get to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
As say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, you're still there
I'm gone, you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed me the door

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I, you and I, you and I know the reason why.

Harsh World, Fragile Heart.

i do not know what to say or where to begin.

feels empty, happiness only for a second. its heading dead end. once again.

.................mute......................

Second day of fasting. yeay!

for

Isra' mikraj! Alhamdulillah. Today i am going to start Subuh prayers amd its 0535 and still no azan yet. After having my breakfast with mama, i got into my room and Click!..I locked the door. A minute later, my mum was screaming my name asking whether i locked the door just to get a puff of cigarette.

A picture says a thousand words. I hope this going to be a long term change. Insya Allah. Amin!

Letter to unsung Juliet.

Today is wednesday and i have been forced to wake up by my lovely mother at 0530am. gosh, i think i'm still sleeping while typing this.And like any other day, i am still waiting patiently, a call from Mercedes to call me for duty.Damn it has been too long already, one single signature really can be a pain in the ass. As for other things, its been almost 1 year and a half that i have been together with you. Lately i have been a little turnover by our situation, of me, when you are thinking that i am not like what you are expected me to be, flirtatious to others. Well the truth is i just want to be friends with them. Well, maybe i got it carried away with stupid webcam and a foolish emoticons. And for that i am sorry.

From the bottom of my heart, i want the love sparks get into our heart again like we use to have in our honeymoon stage. Damn i miss those days syg. Eventhough i have to put up with sharing you with someone else. i do not mind all that cause i love you so much and i just want to be with you! you asked me to be cool and relaxed like i used to be,okay i will do that for the sake of loving you and you only. i try my best to play the role of a good girlfriend in this love stage, but i need to do the same for me as well. i will make you happy, and i know you're trying to make me happy as well. you said that i am a paranoia bitch. well i am! i just want to make sure that you not fall for others. not after what i have been through before.

one thing for sure, i just want those things passed me and become one bitter memory. because all i want to remember is now, our sweet memories. i want us to pampered ourselves with our love. i want you to be all spoil with me. i want to have a good laugh with you. i still remember how you smile made me so happy back then. a single smile can really make my heart melt. i think my heart is crying now.

i am not miserable now. i am happy that now you're with me. i just missed the good old days, when our lips touched softly and full with love and passion. when i kissed you, my heart flies up to the starry skies. dear darling, i love you so much. watching you go and saying goodbye to you someday would be the hardest thing in my life. it would feel like i am losing the people that i love go once again. just in case you do not want me anymore, like any other days that i have tell you before, just let me know. And i will do my best to let you go, even it take my life's strength to do that and just that.

finished at 0558am.

The justification of Monetary Policy

A continuation from the previous blog, ( well i made this simple enough for dear readers to understand).

Whenever there is an inflation in the country, the government usually tend to reduce the money supply and reduce the purchasing power, how? this question can be answered from the previous post in this blog. However more importantly, when the government want to overcome inflation, they usually will reduce the money circulation in the country and makes money or currency become limited and people spend less than usual. Cost of borrowing which is interest rate is higher, and bank will restrict their loan policy and cost of borrowing become expensive.

 In the condition of recession, where money in circulation is not much, the government will apply the expansionary monetary policy, and increase the money in the circulation within the economy system. they reduce the interest rate and borrowing and lending become cheaper and people will spend more and more until the economy became stable, and high employment achieved. However, this only can be applied in the short-run. Why? this is because in the long run, increase in money supply may lead to inflation problem. we do not want that ,do we? for beginners SMEs, they can take advantage of the expansionary policy since they need the capital to run their businesses or productions.

During inflation, it is advisable for us to save more.

expansionary monetary policy is used to reduce unemployment, however, it is impossible for a country to reach zero unemployment due to frictional unemployment (people who between jobs and fresh graduates) and structural unemployment ( mismatch between job requirements and and the job skills).

There are 5 goals of monetary POLICY :

1. High employment
2. Economic growth
3. Price stability
4. Interest rate stability
5. Stability of Financial Markets

monetary policy

As stated, monetary policy is the government policy on money supply and credit creation. there two major types of monetary policies, contractionary or tight monetary policy and expansionary or easy monetary policy. inspite of the two consists of quantitative and qualitative instruments.

Quantitaves measures are:

1. Open Market Operations (OMO) - selling (inflation) and buying (recession) short term securities.
2. Variations of Legal Reserve Requirements - increase (inflation) and decrease ( recession) reserve requirements.
3. Funding - selling (inflation) and buying (recession) long term bonds.
4. Discount rate or bank rate - inrease (inflation) and decrease (recession) discount rate.
5. Interest Rate Policy - increase (inflation) and decrease (recession) interest rate.

Qualitative measures are:

For Inflation ;
1. Selective credit control -includes hire - purchase regulations (banking system may fix minimum down payment and maximum repaying period) and capital issue control ( CB issue directives to banks to give loans only to productive purposes)
2. Moral suasion - CB persuade the commercial banks to restrict their lending policy.
3. Special directives - CB set up directives and instructions to banks to reduce the volume of loans given to clients.

For Recession ;
1. Allowing and supporting the banks and financial institutions to advance credit to households and firms for productive and non-productive purposes.

Let us apply this in the REAL WORLD.
Aug. 14 (Bloomberg) -- Malaysia, which has raised interest rates three times this year, has “appropriately” shifted its monetary policy to support growth and keep inflation in check, the International Monetary Fund said.

The policy of a “measured pace” of rate increases “will help prevent financial imbalances in an environment of low interest rates while still supporting aggregate demand and limiting the drag on growth from needed fiscal consolidation,” the IMF board said in a statement e-mailed today following a July 30 meeting on the country’s economy.

Stronger manufacturing buoyed growth across Asia in the first half of 2010, prompting Malaysia and India to lead regional policy makers in raising borrowing costs. Malaysian central bank Governor Zeti Akhtar Aziz has raised the benchmark interest rate to 2.75 percent this year from a record low as economic growth surged to the fastest pace in at least a decade in the first quarter.

The IMF, whose discussions were based on the annual staff report on Malaysia’s policies, also said directors “took note of the staff’s assessment that the ringgit appears to be weaker than its equilibrium level in real effective terms.”

The Washington-based IMF predicts “favorable” near-term prospects in the Southeast Asian country, with growth of 6.7 percent this year and 5.3 percent in 2011.

--Editors: Christopher Wellisz, Paul Tighe

when we looked upon this, Malaysia economy is, as we know, is in the inflation condition. for your information, when the interest rate is high, this will lead to the strengthen of the currency, which make the value of the currency is actually appreciate which subsequently leads to the higher cost of production domestically. Thus, importation increase.

Is this Malaysian current policy is good? drop your comment please :

bang bang bang !! and die.

have you ever think that you want to feel death?
well i do, some part of me do.

i have always, think, whenever i cross the roads, i wish somehow, a car would hit me.
and yes, there was an accident.
somehow, at that time, when everything that i imagined happened, i would know who really loves me.
what is love anyway? i wonder.

Love can make people sick to death ain't it? but still people crave for the poison. it's like a drug u want to keep for the rest of your life. don't you agree? love can be painful when you do not know how to play your role in it. love do need sacrifice. and love needs appreciation.

well, as a lover,
I know how to play my role to You.
I know what I need to sacrifice to You.
I know how to appreciate You..

And I wish You do the same, LOVE.

Kalkulator, Buku dan Teh

Inilah Old Town White Coffe di Jalan Tun Bendahara, Melaka yang bersebelahan dgn Mercedes Benz showroom. Unik kan?..

saya, ms. blair and ms. F telah pergi ke tempat ini pada siang hari tadi. bermula dengan kelewatan bangun tidur, dan terus sahaja lapar, dan niat mahu belajar untuk final exam tetapi tidak tahu ala tuju. mula mula na study di library uitm KBM. pastu, nak study kat McD. pastu selepas beberapa perkara telah difikirkan, kami pergi ke Old Town sahaja.


apa yang dilakukan disana?
pertama >>>>> MAKAN!

 makan apa?
saya makan nasi lemak
ms. blair makan mee goreng
ms. F mkn french fries.

yes, cik carrot kekeringan idea ni sebenarnya.
apa apa pun, da kenyang makan, bermulalah marathon membuka buku dan menekan kalkulator.

xhi mun tea,

teh tarik panas,

teh tarik sejuk,

makanan da masuk perut!

ms. blair dan ms. F

.cik carrot aka tuan punya blog ni.

jadinya lama jugak la kami di sana. dari jam 5 sampai kul 9 mlm. sampaikan saya pun naik pening. tapi so far oklah stdy kat situ, sbb perot dapat di isi dan org pun tak ramai. sekarang ni pun old town nak pekerja, ada vacancy,

sebelum balik tu sempat lah juga saya tanya pasal vacancy tu, sbb niat di hati nak wat part time sbb biasalah org miskin, xda duit dan kenalah cari duit. kan? haha

tisu!

bukan resepi tetapi menu.

colgate dan sabun dove??!

yang last picture ni, colgate dan dove ni, tiada di jual di old town ya? jangan plak sesekali cuba pergi old town dan order sebiji colgate dan sebuku sabun dove! yang ni lepas kami blah dari old town, kitorg g dinner kat food court seblah hotel bayview (dekat dekat area old town tu jugak), pastu saya punya stok ubat gigi and sabun da hbs...so, g bli kat kedai runcit dekat food court tu.

p/s: tiada duit, jadi beli barang murah je.

"NANAS"; seekor kucing ataupun organisasi?

ok.
hari ni. eh bukan. bulan lepas kot.hahaha. mungkin keterlupaan di situ.
tajuk pelik kan?
tapi tiada pelik pon. meh bak sini wa na cita skit.

mende NANAS ni?

well, N.A.N.A.S is a stand for Noah's Ark Natural Animal Shelter. Basically, it is originally from Singapore is now relocated in Pekan Nanas, Johor. The stray animals who had moved here from Singapore in Year 2000 are happily settled and benefiting from the tranquil surroundings and fresh air. (ok mungkin aku copy from the website sebab malas nak wat rumusan, sbb bukan masuk periksa pon kan?). jadinya aku malas nak copy paste from the website sgt sbb takotlah pulak nanti ada saman menyaman copyright plak kan. as a conclusion, the big idea came from a chinese, singaporean guy. kaya atau miskin aku tatau la plak pasal mamat singapore tu.

macam mana tahu? haaaa, ini yg menariknya. pada suatu hari, saya dan "Ms Blair", telah merancang untuk melihat Evolusi KL Drift dan bergerak lah kami menuju ke Dataran Pahlawan.



setibanya kami disana, kami terus menuju ke GSC and tup tup, tayangan tu lambat 2jam lebih kurang camtulah. jadi kami pon mengambil keputusan untuk berlegar legar di dalam bangunan tersebut (seperti gambar yg di atas ni ya anak anak!) pastu, di main hall die ada macam exhibition ni lah, and kitorang ternampak ada banyak anak kucing kat dlm sangkar. kami pon tertarik dan pergi kat tempat kucing tu. dan disitulah kami mengetahui tentang kewujudan NANAS. derma rm5, dapat amek sekor kucing. jadi saya dan ms.blair pon dengan murah hatinya dermakan amount tersebut (sebenarnya duit ms blair sorg je).walaupun masa tu dua dua tgh sengkek, tak sedar diri. kami berdua pon setuju untuk menjaga kucing yg kami 'adopt' tu. gerek tak? dan bersempena nama organisasi tersebut, kami pon menamakan anak kucing betina kami yg sudah dimandulkan itu sebagai NANAS!!. hmm, mungkin rindu nanas kat rumah ms blair sbb now i am at the library. konon na study, tp berblog. mcm ms blair ckp, "cik carrot poyo!"..hmm redha je lah ye?

.
inilah, kesayangan kami berdua.

FOR MORE INFO, FEEL FREE TO GO TO THE WEBSITE VOLUNTEERILY
Noah's Ark Natural Animal Shelter

Bertemu kembali.

bertemu ke?
ke tak?
tapyah nak temu.
nanti jemu.
ok shut up ye cik carrot.

alright, jadinya da berbulan dan bersarang blog ni aku simpan jadi pekasam masam.macam bau ketiak lepas maen basketball.

hmm, rindu gak na maen natang tu. adui, apalaaa! last post is on the january. skang da bulan may la bai!!!..apa aku buat dlm bulan 1 sampai 5 tu??

na tau?
na tau ke?
ke xnak tau?
tape aku btau..

mcm mcm daaa... mostly blaja hidup kat melaka JAHANAM ni. sekali lagi..JAHANAM!.
tapi, despite all the JAHANAMness of melaka. ada jugak ketidakJAHANAMnya.
apa dia?

i found something.
what?
something that is precious. that i rather to keep in my heart alone.
saya selalu lukis kat tangan dia..
yes, you know who you are. and i hope you reading this.

so far,

melaka byk buruk dari baik.

mostly, the people lah...yg driving, yg bawa motor. semua mcm MASYA ALLAH.amek nafas panjang je la weh!!

2 Weeks in Malacca Historical City

Excitement is best describable, well, at first. Then it starting to blur. Why? This is probably because of me being passive without any activity to do! Staying in my college bedroom is just a lame, boring routine for me.

While i was back in Dungun. There is so much things to do. Coaching brassband, go to classand hanging out with my friends and such which keep me busy and i do not have the time for myself. Now, it all seems so different. I am starting to feel like a new person who always keep things organized, cleaned and smart. A good change for me and I am still getting use to it.

The weather in Malacca, is not much different as in Dungun. However, when you stay in an apartment at a average atmosphere (level 6), you may here the sound of wind which will creep you. It happened to me! i Got up early not because I want to, it is because of that creepy sound and I am not dare to go back to sleep.

One thing I like about the place is, nobody has an idea who I am. The real excitement is where I mingle with a new people, studying new things and the lecturers are cool. Malacca has a quite unique history.

Face Impression and Perception

There are various kind of face impression. The one whether you can tell directly or indirectly. Many of us did not realized that the face impression come with the perception. As an example, you know a person through networking and you know her for a month or more and that friend of yours come to town to meet you. She is not what you expected to be. Of course, you will make some kind of face impression. Shock or maybe disbelief. And there it is the perception. When you make that shock kind of face impression, you just made a perception where in your thought you were thinking " she is not that pretty!" towards your friend. Now I am talking about it in general because I experienced it myself.

The feeling of uncomfortable arise when people looked at me with that kind of face impression. The negative face impression and as a sensitive and not that confident person, I am, can not help the feeling of wondering what the other party think about me and thus, I tend to be quiet. Even though I can be quite talkative.

Therefore do not let the outside skin fool you, people! Get to know the person, evaluate and look at her personality despite of the outer skin of your friend. Of course we all not that so perfect but we try our best to be one and yet we can not satisfy people.

Thing to Bring to Malacca

So, i got the offer from UiTM Malacca city campus. So, I am listing things that i have to bring there.

1. Toiletries - tooth brush, facial foam, shower gel, shampoo, toothpaste etc.
2. Baju kurung, tshirts, jeans, trousers
3. Innerware
4. Calculator
5. Stationary
6. Make up stuff
7. Lotions
8. Hanger
9. Note books
10. Laptop

I think that is all.

Civic and Manners

(Berlaku pada awal tahun 2009)

Pada beberapa hari yang lepas, saya dan seorang kawan yang bernama lynn pergi ke mc donald di kerteh untuk mengisi perot yang sudah berkeroncong dengan galaknya. bukan encik galak seperti dalam cerita gerak khas itu ya. galak di sini bermaksud rancak.

setelah sampai ke destinasi tersebut. haruslah kami terus menuju ke kaunter untuk memesan makanan. agak lama la jugak kami berdua berbincang untuk memutuskan apa yang harus dimakan kerana semuanya nampak sedap sedap belaka. adatlah, apabila kita sudah lapar, rasanya mcm semua makanan pun bisa ditelan. nafsu!

akhirnya kami memesan double cheeseburger set untuk saya dan lynn inginkan bubur ayam mcD. habis saja meratah makanan tersebut dengan rakusnya, niat di hati mahu pulang saja ke kampus tetapi terasa seperti apple pie memanggil saya. maka dengan itu, saya menuju ke kaunter untuk beratur kali kedua.

di hadapan kami ada tiga orang pelajar UiTM. dan di belakang, ada sepasang pasangan melayu yang memiliki dua nak kecil yang comel. di belakang mereka pula ada sepasang cina. sedang kakak yang memiliki dua orang anak tersebut melayan karenah anaknya (beliau tidak di dalam barisan), tiba tiba, suaminya memanggilnya kerana sang suami tidak dapat menahan punding kencing. selepas, sang suami pergi menunaikan hajatnya, si isteri menggantikan tempatnya. disusuli pula lelaki kepada pasangan cina pergi ke tandas dan digantikan oleh pasangannya.

secara tiba tiba, cina perempuan itu datang beratur di hadapan saya. saya pada mulanya agak terkejut tetapi membiarkan saja.malas nak cari pasal. kemudian, si isteri menegur saya " bukan dia beratur di belakang ke?", saya pula hanya menjwab," allahualam lah kak" dan mebiarkan sahaja.

si isteri tersebut pula menegur cina tersebut "excuse me, i think you have to queue". dan cina itu memarahinya si isteri tadi. dengan selambanya si cina itu terus memesan makanannya

Macam macam perangai manusia sekarang. kita hidup pada zaman yang bertamadun. tetapi bertamadunkah kita??

"NO CIVIC, NO MANNERS" - kata kata akhir si isteri

A Love Letter That Has Never Been Posted

Dear love,

It has been 7 months, you and I, separated.

How I wish, I kissed you on the forehead before I turn back and never look back.

Still, the memories are still fresh. Crying through the night, I was.

Feeling of helpless that I can not describe how.

It took me months to fall in love with you and it took me months as well for me to forget the love.

I wonder, do you still remember me.

Do you ?

For all that I know.......

I STILL DO.

I LOVE YOU.